I don't know about yours, but my mother saved everything. As did her mother. Both my parents and their parents are now deceased and I have inherited all the papers and photos, greeting cards and letters, books, china and silver, jewelry, scrapbooks, family recipes (and I am not a cook!), personal documents, and a plethora of other mementos.
When Mom died in 2009, in my grief I tried as best I could to sort and cull what was left behind. Although some of the items found their way to my brother's house, many of the objects ended up just being closed up in boxes. They continue to sit in a closet waiting for me to revisit them.
The task of looking through them again, knowing the decisions that have to be made, seems overwhelming still. What to keep? What to throw away?
But help is at hand from a book I discovered the other day at the library: Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive by Allison Gilbert. She writes of her own search for meaningful ways to honor her deceased parents. Instead of just relegating memories of those passed to a special occasion or holiday, she wanted ways to keep their memories with her all through the year.
So she consulted with jewelers, artists, scrapbookers, quilters, techie folks, photographers, upcyclers, and even a Hollywood prop artist. The result is a book full of what she calls Forget Me Nots - creative ways to commemorate those who have passed.
Her 85 Forget Me Nots are broken into five sections: Repurpose with Purpose; Use Technology; Not Just Holidays; Monthly Guide; and Places to Go.
Here are just a few of her suggestions:
Fashion your father's neckties into a quilt or wall hanging
Make a Memory Magnet using a family photo for the fridge
Volunteer your time to organizations or causes that support your loved one's interests or passions
Create a piece of jewelry that incorporates your loved one's signature
Make a playlist of your loved one's favorite songs (My mom and I both loved Frank Sinatra!)
Many of Ms. Gilbert's suggestions are easy to integrate into your days. On the other hand, you might have to rely on the help of others - a tech person, artist, or even a historian - to assist you in your plans. She includes contact information for helpful sources.
This is a useful guide that deserves a permanent place on one's bookshelf. At times, a suggestion may not make sense to you or may not be one that you can bear to contemplate, so having these Forget Me Nots close at hand could prove useful at a later date.
Already her thoughts have prompted my own Forget Me Not. My high school class has planned various activities for this weekend in celebration of our I'll-Never-Tell-How-Many-Years reunion. Yesterday, a group of us met at the high school, ate lunch in the cafeteria alongside current students, and took a nostalgic tour of the building. Before I went, I dug out my class ring and slipped it on my finger. As my mother graduated from the same high school, I also wore her class ring. It was a way to have her with me and share the experience.
Have you come up with any ideas to keep and incorporate into daily life the memories of family and friends who have passed away? I would love to hear your suggestions.
This is the dictionary with a 1906 copyright that my maternal grandfather carried with him in his coat pocket. It is very fragile - the front cover has separated from the pages. It sits on top of a stack of antique books that belonged to various family members including a small copy of the New Testament that was my father's and a daily prayer book that belonged to my maternal grandmother.
This book has a friendly title: Laird & Lee's Vest Pocket Webster Dictionary for Constant Use. It seems to encourage the user to keep it close.
The first blank page has my grandfather's name written in his lovely flowing script with the name of the town of Moore's Hill, Indiana noted underneath. I am not sure why he was living there at the time. He must have been attending Moore's Hill College which is now the University of Evansville.
The next page shows a black and white illustration of "Prof. Noah Webster in His Study" with the words "Knowledge is Power" illuminated by a small sunburst design.
The table of contents tells me that this dictionary includes a Key to Pronunciation; Abbreviations Used in Writing and Printing; Synonyms; a Gazetteer of the World; Toasts and Speeches for all Occasions; Rules of Etiquette (things one must avoid saying and doing); Marks of Punctuation; Latin Words Often Met With; Forms of Notes, Bills, etc.; Parliamentary Rules; Value of Foreign Coins; The World's Decisive Battles (there are fifteen listed); and, a Perpetual Calendar.
Good Grief! All this in 200 pages.
Its one-page Preface assures me that its constant possession is a necessity for every one - man, woman, and child - who cares to speak and write the English language with any degree of correctness.
This is a new edition - the first was published in 1893 - and it contains 30,000 words. It has tiny tabs indicating each letter section. Each page contains two columns of words and a brief definition. Usually the word and the definition take up only one line.
It is a marvel of compactness and conciseness!
The first word is Aback and the last word is Zumology or Zymology.
In the Gazetteer I learn the land area and population of the world's countries along with its capital cities. And, to my delight, the name of its Ruler. For instance, King Leopold II is the ruler of Belgium, King Edward VII is ruler of Great Britain, Emperor Mutsuhito is ruler of Japan, and Queen Wilhelmina is ruler of The Netherlands.
Here are just a few gems - which really hold true today - from the Etiquette section which lists about 100 rules in four pages:
In Public:
Don't elbow people.
Don't occupy more space in a car than you are entitled to.
Don't take two ladies upon your arm, except for their protection.
(And this one that my grandfather marked) - Don't smoke whenever or wherever it may inconvenience ladies.
In the Parlor:
Don't stare around the room.
Don't ask questions about the price of the furniture.
Don't interrupt; don't contradict; don't be quarrelsome.
Don't stay too long anywhere.
In the Dining-Room:
Don't keep other people waiting; be there on time.
Don't make any noise with your mouth when eating.
Don't come to the table half-dressed, half-washed, or half-combed.
In Your Dress and Habits:
Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person.
Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomade.
In Your Speech:
Don't say feller, winder, tomorrer for fellow, window, tomorrow.
Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar.
Don't use profane words; they are sinful.
On the very last page I just discovered this note written in my grandfather's hand:
Begun board at Mrs. Lyttle's June 18th $2.50
Mrs. Lyttle was my great-grandmother. At this time she was a widow and rented out a few rooms in her house to college students. My grandfather was attending engineering school here and that is how he came to meet my grandmother, Lula.
Wow! There is much information - both practical and personal - to be found in this little book. I am glad I took the time to study it and that I could share my discoveries with you.
